WASHINGTON, D.C. (The Borowitz Report)—Laying out his plans for reopening the nation’s schools in the fall, Donald J. Trump expressed concern that social distancing would make it “really hard” for students to cheat off one another’s papers.
Speaking to reporters at the White House, Trump said that the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s recommendations for social distancing in schools “would only work for students who can see their neighbor’s papers from six feet away.”
“Unless your eyesight is really good, if you’re six feet away or whatever you’re not going to be able to copy the other person’s answers,” Trump said. “Especially if the person writes really small, which they sometimes do.”
Trump recommended that teachers test their students’ eyesight on the first day of school to determine how far away they can sit from one another while still having a clear view of their neighbors’ papers.
“I don’t know why those beauties at the C.D.C. didn’t think of this,” he said.
Responding to a reporter’s question, Trump said that he could not recall any time that other students tried to cheat off his papers.
