ORLANDO (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump will use his speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference this weekend to announce that he has won the 2024 Presidential election.
According to leaked text from his CPAC speech, Trump will claim that he won the 2024 election in a landslide and “everybody knows it.”
Trump will further state that any attempt to allege that the year 2024 has not arrived yet and is, in fact, not scheduled to occur until three years from now is “a rigged hoax.”
“This should never be allowed to happen in our country,” he will assert.
Asked whether he would support Trump’s contention that the year 2024 is not three years away, Mitch McConnell, the Senate Minority Leader, said, “If he said that? Of course.”
