Folks, Joe Biden is the most radical agent of chaos this country has seen since Mitt Romney.
In Joe Biden’s America, every night there’s a big contest to see who can do the most crimes, and the police can’t stop it because they’re armed with pool noodles. Whoever mugs the most old ladies gets to go to Yale, and regular citizens have to pay the tuition with their blood.
Yep, in Biden’s America, all the teachers are ISIS, and everyone has the same job—whipping their arms around like human windmills to generate energy for Priuses.
This is a very real place, where Beto O’Rourke confiscates your guns and melts them down into out-of-tune guitars. Then he smashes the guitars in your driveway while scream-singing, “This is what we do / to freedom!” Unbelievably stupid, and yet guaranteed to occur!
Start building a hot-dog-shaped panic room, folks, because Comrade Cory Booker is coming for your meats. He wants to replace our precious meats with the Portland mayor, Ted Wheeler. A Wheeler and cheese on rye? Recipe for disaster!
Not to be alarmist, but, if Biden wins, you have to marry your dog. A.O.C. officiates, and the dog wears a little tux or gown made where else but in China. Sure, it’s cute, but it’s also a total affront to Christian values, especially if you and your dog are the same sex. Happened to a guy I know!
Already, Satanic Joe has cut the words “under God” from the Pledge of Allegiance. When will the Fake News start asking the tough questions, like, where is the Lord in relation to our nation? Behind us? Inappropriate. Below us? Outrageous. To the right or left of us, doing a little side hug? Seems awfully casual!
Listen, if you slice up the audio, Biden says he’s going to tear down our monuments and put up statues of his favorite pronouns. Mount Rushmore is just going to be T, H, E, and Y. If you’re a “he” or a “she,” you go straight to cancel jail, especially if you’ve ever bought a Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue or one of those sexy-firemen calendars.
Ole Sloppy Joe is a Trojan horse. You invite him into the White House, his head opens up like it’s “Lovecraft Country” and out crawls Crazy Bernie Sanders, thumping “Das Kapital.” He takes your 401(k), gives it to a refugee, then whacks you in the tummy with one of his logs. Actual situation!
Under the iron fist of Joseph Robinette Biden, Jr., sports leagues are shut down because they’re too woke to function. Soccer is America’s pastime, and all the players flip the flag the double bird and rip huge farts during the national anthem.
That anthem? Let’s just say it rhymes with “Wet Ass Hussy.”
Our border patrol? Doing the Macarena with MS-13.
Our currency? Covered in pictures of George Soros, “Our One True Founding Father,” according to Psycho Joe.
Our movies? Director’s cuts.
These scenarios? All extremely plausible if you ask me, the person trying to terrorize you into voting for Trump.
Oh, also, your taxes will go up if you make more than four hundred thousand dollars. No one is safe!
