“You’re all dressed up today!”
“That’s not one of the three black Target V-necks that you usually wear.”
“You don’t look like you’re in your thirties!”
“You have the hormonal acne of a much younger woman.”
“You’d make such a great mom!”
“You always have snacks in your purse.”
“Wow, you really love dogs!”
“You’ve been lying on the ground petting that beagle for two hours. You’re making everyone at this back-yard baby shower uncomfortable.”
“I’m glad you found such a nice guy to settle down with!”
“Your previous boyfriend was basically like if SantaCon were a person.”
“Your shoes look really comfortable!”
“It’s so brave of you to turn your back on current trends and embrace orthopedic sandals.”
“I think it’s great the way you’ve followed your dreams!”
“Having money isn’t for everyone.”
“Aw, your apartment is so cute!”
“I can’t believe you share such a small space with so many mice.”
“Wow, you have a really good memory!”
“How did you even know it’s my dog’s birthday? I’ve never shared this information with you.”
“I seriously thought you were in your early twenties!”
“I have the same job title as you and I’m in my early twenties.”
“Your outfit looks so cozy!”
“You look like if a sherpa throw blanket from Bed Bath & Beyond were a person.”
“I can’t believe you wrote this!”
“You’re never funny like this in person.”
“Wow, my dog really likes you!”
“My dog knows you keep snacks in your purse.”
“Did you lose weight? You look amazing!”
“I equate beauty with being as thin as possible, and also I didn’t know about your irritable-bowel syndrome.”
“You’re still young!”
“You still have some time to squeeze out a baby. But not a lot!”
