You have probably noticed some differences in our planet lately, and I want you to know that they are completely normal. Just like the changes that your body is going through, they’re part of a natural cycle. With all that’s happening, it’s important you stay calm, and know that any uncomfortable or strange sensations that may arise are part of a sometimes awkward, but absolutely predictable, process. Like your body, on some days, the entire outside world might appear alien to you. Is this really my planet? It looks and feels so different! I assure you, it most certainly is.
Some of you may notice body hair growing in funny places, or plants growing in seasons they never grew in before. Don’t let this alarm you. Simply buy yourself a razor and enjoy the fact that we still have flowers—they won’t be here forever! And, remember, if you cut yourself the first time you try to shave, don’t panic. Instead, take a tip from our international climate agreements and just put a Band-Aid on it.
At times, the weather might seem as unpredictable as your moods. You may not understand why you’re suddenly angry, or why it’s sunny and hot outside one minute and thirty degrees and snowing the next. Sometimes, it will feel like you’re your own worst enemy, and like the weather is literally trying to make packing for a weekend trip to the Catskills impossible. Take a deep breath, and calmly whisper to yourself, “This is all part of the change.”
You may be experiencing urges to do things you never did before, like kissing someone you find attractive. You might even fantasize about things you are ashamed of. Don’t worry—you are not alone! The earth also has new wants and desires. It craves sustainable energy and, for some reason, Priuses make it super horny. If you get overwhelmed, just remember: you don’t have to act on every impulse you have—like how we clearly don’t have to act on any of the carbon goals that we’ve set.
A lot of you are getting hotter than you used to be and are starting to perspire under your arms. At the same time, you might notice the outside temperature hitting record highs and miles of ice collapsing into the oceans. This is nothing to be embarrassed about! Can you imagine what would happen if the earth cried every time an ice cap melted? Our entire continent would be underwater by now. So, please, dry your eyes—we can’t afford the sea-level rise.
You are becoming a new person, and the earth is becoming a new planet. Be patient. Take baths. Journal. In just a few short years, you will be a woman, and Earth will be Mars.
