WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Blasting “dumb scientists for not thinking of this before,” Donald J. Trump said that the planet would cool down “right away” if everyone would just turn on the air-conditioning.
“Scientists go around with their lab coats and test tubes and act like the planet is burning up,” he said. “I guess those beauties have never thought of turning on the A.C.”
“Air-conditioning is the answer,” he said. “It’s the hydroxychloroquine of climate.”
Arguing that his theory was “based on math,” Trump illustrated what would happen to the planet’s temperature if people around the world all turned on the air-conditioning at the exact same time.
“Let’s say two billion people each turned down the A.C. four degrees,” he said. “Just like that, the planet would be eight billion degrees cooler.”
Trump disclosed that he did not come up with this mathematical equation all by himself, acknowledging the assistance of the Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos.
