Ask any transgender person with a romantic or sexual history — or lack thereof — and they’ll likely have endless tales to regale you with. Being a trans youth only adds additional layers of complexity to these encounters, and a first-of-its-kind study from the University of Michigan study explores some of those complications. Published by four pediatric researchers, the report examines what it’s like to date before and during medical transition, the role that transphobia plays in trans kids’ approach to dating, and the prevalence of partner abuse.
Published in the most recent volume of the peer-reviewed journal Pediatrics, the study consists of interviews with 30 trans adolescents between the ages of 15 and 20; eight were transmasculine and 12 were transfeminine. When asked about their romantic relationships, participants reported that parents generally did not treat their dating lives differently from before they had transitioned. However, some stated that their parents expressed heightened concern for their children’s safety and respect.
“With me being trans, my mom was always up my [expletive] about it. Like, is he calling you a boy?” said one 18-year-old transmasculine participant.
Participants also described their difficulties in dating compared to cisgender people and the transphobia they faced at the hands of other LGBTQ+ people. One transmasculine participant detailed a relationship they had had in seventh grade, in which their partner “continued to call me her girlfriend and say that she was a lesbian.”
Other participants expressed similar sentiments with regards to their identities confusing potential partners. “I can’t date gay guys because I’m not a man,” said a 17-year-old transfeminine participant. “I can’t date any straight women since I’m not a man, but I also can’t date any gay women or straight men because they still think I’m a guy. It’s kind of in that weird twilight zone middle space right now.”
Some individuals also reported transphobia while using dating apps. Two participants said their Tinder accounts had been locked after being reported for perceived discrepancies between their appearances and stated gender.
Others also described their experiences with coming out to their partners. Some felt that it was more appropriate to tell partners immediately “because it could end up being dangerous knowing that part of you,” according to a 17-year-old transmasculine participant. But some delayed disclosure “only after certainty of a relationship” or if they wished to avoid being dismissed on the basis of their transness.
The study also details accounts of abusive relationships, both emotional and sexual. One reported emotional manipulation with the aim of preventing medical transition, and others reported sexual abuse happening as early as age 14.
On a more positive note, gender-affirming hormone therapy was described with an overall positive effect on romantic health. Both transfeminine and transmasculine youth reported increased satisfaction with themselves and their emotions, although some transmasculine participants also stated that they felt unwanted anger.
“I think I’ve gotten a bit more assertive,” said a 16-year-old transmasculine participant. I have the confidence now to know what I want and get what I want.”
A 17-year-old transfeminine participant reported that she “started looking [at] how I felt on the inside and I don’t know, that’s something that I feel is important.” “You need to find yourself and feel comfortable in your body before you start dating,” the respondent added.
Researchers noted that one limitation of their study includes the fact that participants were recruited from a child and adolescent gender services clinic, meaning that they have some degree of parental support. The experiences of trans youth with non-supportive families would therefore be different from those studied, and the researchers recommended further studies on this population.
“Despite these limitations, our study has important implications for future research and care of TGNC youth,” the researchers wrote in the study, ultimately recommending that providers should be aware of these unique challenges that trans youth face, including avoiding assumptions about their patients and screening for signs of abuse.
In the study, the researchers also noted that overall “there is a paucity of information pertaining to sexual and romantic experiences of TGNC youth,” adding that the majority of TGNC relationship research focuses on the risks of interpersonal relationships. Meanwhile, there has been no research conducted on the benefits of relationships for transitioning youth or youth in the United States.
You can read the study in full here.
Get the best of what’s queer. Sign up for them.’s weekly newsletter here.
