Tommy Dorfman has announced that she’s engaged, as she revealed in an appearance on Rachel Bilson’s Broad Ideas podcast on Monday.
The actress didn’t reveal much about her partner, though, opting to identify her fiancée solely as “a gay girl” and an Aries. “I fell in love with someone who doesn’t fetishize me,” Dorfman said, adding that her fiancée had even helped her with estrogen shots, administering the first one and FaceTiming her through it for subsequent early shots.
While Dorfman kept mum on her fiancée’s identity, the 13 Reasons Why actress went deep on her own. She revealed that the show that made her famous played a role in delaying her transition, with early career success making her feel “stuck in time.”
“If I hadn’t booked that job, I would have started transitioning a lot sooner,” Dorfman said. “I think because my work (was) so tied to my body and face and identity, or whatever I had been identified as, it delayed some of my growth and some of my maturation in my mid-20s.”
Dorfman additionally explained that she had “always felt like I wasn’t really meant for the world I was living in. You know how people are like, ‘I should have been born in the ’80s’ or something? I always had that feeling.” But upon transition, she realized that she is “totally meant for this body and meant for this time and meant for this world.’ I just was wearing a sweater that was three sizes too small — for 28 years,” which is an apt description of dysphoria if ever we’ve heard one.
As is fairly common among trans people, Dorfman’s sexuality also changed as she transitioned. In her own words, she went from identifying as a gay man to a nonbinary person to a straight trans woman to a trans lesbian. Transition made her “interested in women in a way that I hadn’t really been aware of since high school,” as she said on the podcast. But that change wasn’t necessarily easy.
“I was really scared to admit that I was perhaps attracted to women because I felt I had such safe relationships with all the women in my life because they thought of me as a gay man,” Dorfman said. “In my head, I was like ‘Oh no, if I transition, do I tell people that I might just be a lesbian or bisexual, are any of my girlfriends ever going to trust me again.”
Thankfully, Dorfman seems fairly comfortable in her identity now. The news of her engagement comes after her divorce from her ex-husband, Peter Zurkuhlen, was announced in February. And while celebrity divorces are often dramatic and filled with tears, Dorfman has explained that it was more a matter of redefining their relationship as friends. “Transitioning has been liberating and clarifying,” she told Time.
We love to see healthy breakups and beautiful new beginnings! Congrats to Dorfman and her mystery fiancée.
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