Culture

Things I Am Actually Aging Like, Instead of a Fine Wine


That three-dollar wine from Trader Joe’s: growing more acidic by the day.


A male club comic’s standup joke about #MeToo: extremely tired.


The New York City subway system: expect delays on nights and weekends.


Your most dramatic plant: in constant need of hydration.


A flat seltzer: I still have some flavor, but my effervescence is fast escaping.


A prestige drama from the early two-thousands: increasingly prone to monologues about the insidious nature of man.


The New York City subway system: twelve billion dollars would go a long way toward making everything work again.


The ocean: salty and containing microscopic bits of plastic.


Four Loko: no longer relevant after peaking in 2011.


The New York City subway system: seriously, can someone fix the subway?


The tiniest flame of a campfire that’s about to go out: hoping to catch heat from younger, up-and-coming flames.


Those animals which didn’t start out nocturnal but evolved to be that way: I find sleeping at night very challenging.


The characters in “Cocoon”: this I will not explain.



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