EMPTY VASE
In days gone by, Big Vase was won by the likes of Ipswich Town, Gothenburg, a club known to most folk as Neverkusen, and Schalke, who are Germany’s version of Newcastle United, for goodness sake – and that’s being generous and polite. But the chances of any similar gusts of fresh air blowing across the continent these days seem slim. Take Wednesday night’s match between Spurs U-17s and Wolfsberger, which ended 4-0 to the mid-table Premier League outfit. The only whiff of a shock came in the post-match presser, when José Mourinho spoke quite nicely of Dele Alli. That it’s come to this for the greatest second-rate pan-European competition in the whole goddamn world.
It’s difficult to see any minnows making waves on Thursday evening. Young Boys are 4-3 up on Bayer Leverkusen, but they managed to ship a three-goal lead in the first leg at home before nicking a face-saver in the last minute, and even if they hold out, well, we refer you to that aforementioned nickname. Bruges go into the second leg against Ukrainian giants Dynamo Kyiv with an away goal in their back pocket, but then again who’s been to the final of Big Cup? Meanwhile, Granada are 2-0 up as they travel to Napoli, though the way Gennaro Gattuso’s side have been performing in Serie A this season, an Italian demise would only register as a genuine shock if they were playing against Tyne-Tees.
There may be some mileage in seeing how many goals Manchester United score against Real Sociedad without the help of Bruno Fernandes, who’s been dragging the club along for the past 13 months in an ersatz footballing remake of Fitzcarraldo, and will surely be rested. Leicester are living dangerously after a goalless draw at Slavia Prague, but are still permitted minnow status on the continent, that’s just the way it is, while the Arsenal-Benfica tie is on a knife-edge, but, y’know, Arsenal. So it looks like it’s left to the Pope’s Newc O’Rangers to provide some nail-bothering excitement, which they generously served up last week in Antwerp, winning by the odd goal in seven. More of that at Ibrox, or a comical collapse that momentarily takes attention away from the fiasco unfolding across the city, and the modern Big Vase could be saved yet.
LIVE ON BIG WEBSITE
Join us for hot clockwatch coverage of Big Vase from 5.55pm GMT.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I can’t see a goal being better than that in League Two” – Southend United’s Shaun Hobson hails Nathan Ferguson’s howitzer from the Forest Green car park during their 3-1 win. Enjoy.
Quest
(@QuestTV)*Insert Alan Partridge commentary here* 🎙️
Nathan Ferguson with the cleanest strike you’ll see all season for @SUFCRootsHall! Sublime. 🎯💥#EFLonQuest #EFL #Blues pic.twitter.com/rFcC5hm0wb
RECOMMENDED LISTENING
Neil Lennon quits and Pep Guardiola gets his coat: it’s Football Weekly Extra.
FIVER LETTERS
“I see Liverpool finally won a game at home on Wednesday night. OK, so it was the South American version against Universidad Católica in the first round of the Copa Libertadores, but it’s a start, right?” – John Myles.
“Great. Now that Zlatan’s doing the Sanremo festival (yesterday’s News, Bits and Bobs), we have this to look forward to. Of course, he’ll have to have a bigger backing band because, you know” – Todd van Allen.
“Is it me or does Mick McCarthy (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) look more like Ted Danson every day? It might explain why he’s taken Cardiff to a Good Place” – David Maddock.
Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And you can always tweet The Fiver via @guardian_sport. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day prize is … John Myles.
NEWS, BITS AND BOBS
José Agostinho Becker, the father of Liverpool goalkeeper Alisson, has drowned after going for a swim on his property in Brazil. “The thoughts of everybody at the club are with Alisson and the Becker family at this incredibly sad and difficult time,” read a Liverpool statement.
Thierry Henry has stepped down as Montreal head coach and is returning to London for family reasons – the Frenchman was recently linked to the Bournemouth job, filled by Jonathan Woodgate. Speaking of which, Gennaro Gattuso antagoniser Joe Jordan has joined the Cherries’ coaching staff. “We’ve brought in Joe, he’ll be an astute signing for us,” whooped Woodgate.
Atalanta coach Gian Piero Gasperini is feeling funky after Remo Freuler’s controversial early red card pre-empted their 1-0 Big Cup defeat at home to Real Madrid. “The game was completely ruined by an incident that was judged excessively,” he sniffed. “I just got banned for saying something in Serie A, if I say something now then Uefa will ban me for a month. But this is football suicide.”
Everton manager Carlo Ancelotti hopes to extend his contract beyond 2024 and lead the club into its planned new stadium at Bramley-Moore Dock. “I think to finish the contract in 2024, you [would have done] a good job and when you did a good job the contract will not be stopped in 2024, it will continue,” he cheered.
And Shanghai SIPG have earned a late call-up to Asian Big Cup after Shandong Luneng were booted out due to “overdue payables”.
STILL WANT MORE?
The proposed buyout of Derby County has failed to materialise and the club have mounting debts. Ed Aarons analyses how it came to this.
The England Women team which beat Northern Ireland this week comprised 11 white players – and the problem is getting worse. Suzanne Wrack explains why.
They weren’t there for long, but John Aldridge, Dalian Atkinson and Kevin Richardson made a big impression at Real Sociedad. Sid Lowe tells the story.
Players feigning knack, refs joining in the play and Mike Dean. It’s Classic YouTube!
Manchester City are good at football, reckons Jonathan Liew, who wonders if they might win Big Cup at last.
It’s all kicking off in Brazil, where Flamengo and Internacional can both win the Brasilerão going into the final round of fixtures. Tom Sanderson has more.
Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. And INSTACHAT, TOO!
