Getty
My daughter turned eight today, so naturally my mind started wandering to the fact it’s only 10 more years until she’ll be heading off to college…OMG.
In the past three years I’ve had three nieces graduate from college. And I remember going off to school like it was yesterday. We get our first taste of freedom when we get our driver’s license, but going to college is when we get to really experience independence. But usually with a catch. We’re on our own, but often still dependent on our families in many ways. A study from Merrill Lynch and Age Wave as reported on Forbes claims that parents are supporting their adult children to the tune of $500 billion a year.
Knowing that many kids around the country would be heading off to schools this summer got me thinking about what kinds of things parents and these soon-to-be independent adults (who are not fully independent) would need to organize before leaving home. I spoke with my sister-in-law about the practical aspects of this particular life change. She walked me through a few key things:
She said many parents have their kids give them permission to view their college transcripts, grades, course information, and financial aid info (if applicable). I’ll get into that later because it’s called “FERPA” and I don’t want you to fall asleep before I hit my major points.
But she said what can often get overlooked are some other critical areas that need to get dealt with once kids are 18, which means they’re officially adults and for the first time parents won’t have automatic access to things like their medical and financial information. In the event of an emergency, this can be a huge problem.
If you have kids going off to school, here are the things to deal with asap.
HIPAA Authorization Form
When your kids were under 18 you were their guardian and had access to everything. If they’re over 18, because of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act of 1996 (HIPAA) medical professionals can’t share a patient’s personal information unless that patient gives them permission. This means for the first time in your life, you need to ask your child permission to access their medical information.
Theoretically this isn’t a big deal at all. Your kids are most likely still on your insurance and they should want you to know what’s going on in any medical situation. All you need to do is fill out a HIPPA authorization form to make it legal.
This is what a sample form looks like but you should speak with your doctor to get the one from your state, and the state your child is attending school.
If you get your child to name you as their health care proxy (spoiler: that’s the next thing on the list) then you will have access to these records. However, if you’re worried that having a teenager fill out an advance directive is too soon for someone so young, at the very least start with the HIPAA form.
Advance Directive
The HIPAA form is for sharing medical information; an advance directive is for more serious situations. This is the combination of a living will and naming a health care proxy.
The proxy part is the most important since this is the person who is permitted to make medical decisions on behalf of a person who isn’t well enough to make them for themselves. This person isn’t automatically a parent, but if the expectation is that this person would be you, go ahead and print out the form from your state, and the state they’re attending school, and have them sign it.
A living will details the patient’s treatment options if something very serious were to occur. Certainly a parent’s worst nightmare, and most likely not going to happen, but it’s still important to deal with and have in place nonetheless.
Durable Power of Attorney
A POA is like a health care proxy for money. If something happened to your child and they were unable to handle their finances — no, being broke doesn’t count — this allows you to step in and keep things on track until they can. You know how much interest can pile up on those student loans? Same with credit card debt. If they’re abroad for a semester you can even file taxes on their behalf.
The reason you want a durable POA is because it kicks in the moment it’s signed. It can be revoked at any point, so maybe avoid the pestering and snooping. Think of it as something that should only be used in emergencies.
Other Things
Remember that thing I mentioned earlier that I thought would put you to sleep. It’s called the Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act of 1974 (FERPA) and protects education records and financial aid information. It’s complicated and has a lot of different implications, but it’s like HIPPA for academic info. A FERPA waiver gives parents access to these records. You can learn more about it here. Like the other documents I mentioned, it’s better to have it and not need it than not have it at all.
It’s also a good idea to make copies of official IDs and keep them organized somewhere safe and secure — driver’s license, passport, birth certificate, social security card — since it’s easy for your kids to lose track of these things with so much change in their life.
How to approach these conversations: Keep it simple and don’t get carried away
These conversations don’t have to be morbid. They don’t have to be overwhelming or scary. These are simply a few responsible things to take care of now just in case an emergency strikes and they need your help.
Also, it’s normal for kids to think their parents are being overbearing and smothering; these are really important things to deal with so tread lightly and set some boundaries. Don’t start demanding all their passwords and access to their phone! Give them their independence and let them make their own mistakes, but use this as an opportunity to do some schooling on your own.
