WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Republicans who opposed impeachment are proposing an alternative: a piece of legislation called “Three Coup Attempts, You’re Out.”
The bill’s sponsor, Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky, said that the law would send a clear signal to future Presidents that “we will have zero tolerance for coup attempts if they try to do it three times.”
“After the first coup attempt, a President would receive a warning, just as you would if you made an illegal left turn or had a broken tail light,” Paul explained. “After the second coup attempt, the United States Senate will draft a resolution telling you that you’d better not try it a third time.”
Paul was vague when asked what the punishment would be for a third coup attempt, saying, “As in most legislation, the devil is in the details. But the gist of it is, insurrect me once, shame on you; insurrect me twice, shame on me; insurrect me three times, it’s time to have a serious talk about this.”
