Every seat, strap, and pole has crumbs on it that nobody was willing to wipe off.

Oh no, this is some kind of Improv Everywhere thing, isn’t it?

It still reeks of fire and brimstone from a sermon by Reverend Bigot-iah.

It’s a new car—the M.T.A. forgot to take the shrink-wrap off.

It’s a demilitarized zone in the rat-vs.-pigeon wars.

INFLUENCERS-ONLY CAR, peasant.

This subway car is vegan and will exclusively take plant-based passengers.

Landlords put a Starbucks in and rent quadrupled. Serves them right that it’s empty.

Why, that’s the old M183 car! I haven’t seen her since the Incident of aught-four. The M.T.A. swore that it’d sink her deep in Sheepshead Bay and let the coral grow over those dark, terrible memories. Guess she had other plans. . . .

Manspreading became mansprawling became manexploding.

Andrew Cuomo leased out your car to Apple for extra iCloud storage.

The showtime performance was a real bummer today.

The L-train slowdown overcorrected, and now the weekend gondolas are PACKED.

UBER IS RUNNING A SIIICK SPECIAL.

Everybody decided to clear out, just to give you more room! You have the whole place to yourself, because you are lucky and special! Your mom was wrong—New York isn’t gonna chew you up and spit you out. It’s gonna go out of its way to make you feel comfortable and welcomed! Hahahaha JK, JK. Some maniac is arguing with a ghost, and the ghost seems to be winning.



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