Senate rules do not prohibit a senator from sipping milk during his speech.
Senate rules do not prohibit a senator from chugging, slurping, guzzling, or lapping milk, either.
Water and milk are the only beverages permitted on the Senate floor.
Water may be mixed with milk in the event that a senator prefers two per cent over regular.
Milk may be mixed with water in the event that a senator likes his water “murky.”
Senators must provide their own milk.
Sharing milk is encouraged, to help fellow-senators grow big and strong.
There is no limit to the amount of milk a senator may consume on the Senate floor.
Senators can request a refill in the following manner: “Please, page, fetch me another glass of milk.”
If a senator requires a large quantity of milk, he or someone on his staff should loosen his necktie first.
If a senator incurs a tummy ache, he is permitted one teaspoon of honey in his glass of warm milk.
Well-behaved senators may request a colorful bendy straw.
Any unattended milk shall be poured down the sink of the nearest Senate restroom.
The Senate page responsible for the discarding of excess milk is permitted to drink it to avoid government waste.
The official temperature of milk in the United States Senate is “chilled” because George Washington once told Thomas Jefferson that the Senate “cools the hot passions of the House,” or something like that.
Milk on the Senate floor must be fresh. Spoiled milk is considered to be cheese, a forbidden treat.
Senatorial milk may be derived from all ruminants, not just cows.
Senators can request non-bovine refreshments in the following manner: “Please, page, fetch me a glass of antelope milk.”
The Presiding Officer may determine that flavored milk, such as strawberry, is in order—but only for very special occasions, like Valentine’s Day or a senator’s birthday party.
Plant-based milk alternatives are juice.
Senators are encouraged to milk their filibusters for all they’re worth.
Senators are discouraged from crying over spilled milk.
During impeachment proceedings, Senate rules do not prohibit a senator from sporting a milk mustache, smiling, and waving goodbye to the President.
