PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump’s legal woes deepened on Wednesday as millions of Americans joined a class-action lawsuit demanding the past four years back.
Although Trump is already being sued for his actions on January 6th of this year, this latest suit broadens his legal exposure to the other fourteen hundred and sixty days of his Presidency.
Harland Dorrinson, the attorney representing the approximately two hundred million plaintiffs, said that if a court is unable to award his clients the past four years back, he would seek “substantial” monetary damages instead.
“We’re crunching the numbers right now,” he said. “The therapy bills alone run into the billions.”
The attorney said that he was “obviously sorry” that Rudy Giuliani was no longer on Trump’s legal team but added, “If Trump uses those impeachment lawyers of his, we’re golden.”