Those are all valid. But when we have the perceptions of others hanging over our heads, it can be difficult to discern how we actually feel about things. In those moments, we often end up denying what our hearts truly want. Personally, I want to know that I went for all the things my heart desired, even if it feels scary and ends up being a little messy. And I want that for you. So, if there are things that help you feel more grounded in your truth of liking women, I encourage you to do them. For me, words of affirmation were a salve. I would whisper to myself in the mirror every morning and every night before bed: “María, you are queer. It’s okay. I love you.” Maybe you can start there.
Then, once you’ve confronted that personal and familial fear, what is stopping you from asking this girl all the things you want to know? Do you have a partner? Are you queer? DO YOU LIKE ME? Worst case scenario: She doesn’t reciprocate your feelings and you move on.
Now that we’ve addressed that, onto your main question: How do you talk to girls?
This is my classic go-to for speaking to women: “Hi, I’m María, what’s your name?” Ta-da! Pero seriously, I don’t have a specific way I speak to women versus how I speak to anyone else. Everyone is different. But to give you another perspective, I phoned a friend who is bisexual and Latina and she gave me some tips to pass along:
1. Compliment their aura/energy versus going straight for something physical.
2. If you feel nervous, have a set of questions you wanna ask that will help you get to know them better.
3. Breathe. You got this.
And finally, how do you know if she likes you back?
Something I’ve learned over the years is that you will typically know when someone is into you. They will make it clear with their words and actions. They won’t just tell you sweet things, they’ll do those sweet things. If they lapse in texting you, they’ll communicate why there was a period of silence.
But alas, we are all operating with different levels of awareness. And just because someone is not doing those things also doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t like you. Even when you are direct, the girl you like may misunderstand you or not be in a position to pursue something with you. Hey, maybe she’s got fears to confront, too.
Unfortunately, what that means is that the surest way to know is always to ask. Even if she doesn’t turn out to be a fit for you, you’ll at least be a little closer to knowing who is aligned with you. And trust me, there will be so many women/femmes out there who are a fit for you! And they’ll be beautiful. And smart. And funny. And have the most beautiful brown eyes and a laugh that makes you laugh. And all you’re going to want to do is listen to old-school Shakira or Sade when you think of them.
María Pero No Santa
P.S. Thank you for the love, it made me blush! I am receiving and reflecting it back to you.
Get the best of what’s queer. Sign up for Them’s weekly newsletter here.