Culture

LGBTQ Surrogacy: The Reality of Achieving Queer Parenthood Through Surrogacy


Stevey and Mika were happy with their chosen surrogate, who had kids of her own. They quickly became friends with her and her family. “We had an easy go-with-the-flow relationship with them, which made the process smoother,” Says Mika. The couple was even in the room when the embryos were transferred into their surrogate. “One from each of us,” says Stevey. After their initial wait, Stevey and Mika found out that their surrogate was pregnant and that her hormone levels were high enough to indicate a twin pregnancy. The couple was excited as they prepared to travel to San Diego for the 6-week ultrasound, but on their trip down they got a call that the surrogate was already in the hospital, suffering from cramping and bleeding.

“There were two heartbeats, but one embryo was in the fallopian tube, and one was in the uterus,” says Mika. The surrogate was having a heterotopic pregnancy, a rare and dangerous condition in which one embryo grows in the uterus while the other grows in a fallopian tube. “Our specialist said that she’s only seen this once in 18 years,” says Stevey. Doctors had to remove the surrogate’s fallopian tube, and they warned the couple that the pregnancy in the uterus was unlikely to survive. “From there we followed the pregnancy with hope, but not very much optimism,” says Mika.

But the pregnancy did progress, and Mika and Stevey’s friends planned a gender reveal party for them at 22 weeks. Stevey says, “We had a boy and a girl name picked out, so we decided to announce the name to our friends and family at the party.” When they found out they were having a girl, they also found out which one of them was the biological parent. “We hadn’t had complete closure on losing that other pregnancy,” says Mika. “It was kind of a weird mix of emotions, and finally knowing which one was still growing and doing well provided a kind of closure.”

Their daughter, Skylar Jae, was born on May 18, 2019. Stevey says they overpacked for their drive down to San Diego. “We had two suitcases of clothing for Skylar. 15 pairs of socks. We had like 10 pacifiers. We were super extra,” says Stevey.

Both Mika and Stevey want to be biological fathers, and the single pregnancy means they will have to do surrogacy again in the future to make their family dreams complete, but they are both thrilled with the outcome of their experience. Our surrogate came to our baby shower,” says Stevey. “I would say we all consider each other good friends. Skylar Jae will grow up knowing who our gestational carrier was via social media, and in the future when we travel back to San Diego we will catch up in person. This is the level of relationship we all seem comfortable with and is sustainable long term,” says Mika.

Stevey and Mika’s friendship with their surrogate turned out to be a good thing, because they were faced with a unique rooming situation in the hospital. “The hospital was under a massive remodel, so we had to share a postpartum room with our surrogate for the first two days. It wasn’t the most optimal situation, but we made it work,” explains Mika. Their surrogate even pumped colostrum for Skylar. “She is a little chunky monkey,” says Stevey. “She came out hungry and she’s been loving her formula ever since.”



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