Lifestyle

'Husband refuses to stop smoking so we can have a baby – I'm furious with him'


Daily Mirror agony aunt Coleen Nolan advises a reader whose husband isn’t listening to his doctor while they try to conceive

I found cigarettes in his pocket

Dear Coleen,

My husband and I have been trying to conceive and he was advised by our doctors to improve his lifestyle significantly – quit smoking, cut down on alcohol, lose some weight and so on.

However, he’s not taking it seriously at all and although he doesn’t smoke at home and told me he’s given up, I found some cigarettes in his coat pocket.

I’m furious with him because he knows how much having a baby means to me. I don’t want to start a big row, as things are stressful enough, but how can I get him to listen?

What would you tell this reader to do? Have your say in the comment section






Coleen Nolan is the Mirror’s resident agony aunt

Coleen says,

I have lots of friends who struggled to have kids and know how stressful and soul crushing it is. So maybe it’s the pressure that’s driving him to smoke. I think you need to be careful that you don’t come across as blaming him for your situation because it’s just piling more pressure on top. And you have to be a team.

Why not make the focus a healthier diet because this is something you can do together? If you find cigarettes again, acknowledge that this is a tough time, but you want to try what the doctor is advising. You could even set yourselves a target, such as “we’ll try really hard and give it everything we’ve got for the next six months”, so it feels like there’s a timescale and something to aim for.

It’s hard for him if he’s been told that it’s his lifestyle that’s the problem.

And if he’s feeling pressured and guilty, then he’s going to feel stressed, and when you feel stressed, you want to reach for the ciggies or eat more.

I realise it’s frustrating, as you’re probably doing all the right stuff and every month is a huge disappointment.

But you have to figure out how to do this as a team – with kindness and empathy.





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