Sending your son or daughter off to college typically is a mixed blessing for parents. You are proud to have raised a child to the point where they are ready to leave home and further their education. At the same time, you wonder if they are truly ready to be on their own. The Covid-19 pandemic has thrown a monkey wrench into this milestone moment. Seniors who had experienced great disruption in their final year of high school now are faced with the uncertainty of whether this is the right time to go to college. Surveys have indicated that significant numbers of these young adults may opt for a gap year instead.
In turn, parents are trying to sort out a variety of issues. One major concern surrounds the worry about whether it is safe to go to college right now. Of course, this is particularly salient for the parents of individuals who have health-related concerns. However, the thought of an otherwise healthy son of daughter going off on one’s own in the middle of a pandemic gives parents some reason to pause. Does the presence of Covid-19 change the way that a college-bound student would be faced with decisions that might affect their health and well-being? And if so, should parents be rethinking the way they are approaching their son or daughter in conversations about leaving home to go off to college?
Sending your son or daughter off to college always has been a mixed blessing for parents, and … [+]
The social sciences rarely deal with anything resembling settled facts. That said, there is near unanimous agreement that the optimal style of parenting involves the combination of two factors: responsiveness and demandingness. What has been termed the “authoritative” parenting style is the particular combination of high responsiveness – meaning that there is a significant sense of positive emotional connectivity – and high demandingness – where there are substantial expectations and clear standards regarding acceptable behavior. Whether there are too many demands without a sense of emotional connection (the authoritarian style), too much closeness without any structure (the permissive style), or low levels on both factors (the uninvolved style), all other combinations are viewed as sub-optimal.
How then might parents employ more authoritative qualities as they help their sons and daughters navigate the uncharted waters of going off to college during a pandemic? For J.D. Biros, whose son Cam is headed off to the University of Cincinnati this fall, it comes down to emphasizing personal wellness and safety. “I talked to Cam about taking care of his health by staying in shape. He ran cross-country in high school, and I would like to see him keep up with his running. We also talked about making smart decisions. If there’s a kegger party, you don’t want to be there. We discussed how to avoid larger masses of people by keeping smaller social circles for now.” Mr. Biros went on to say that he has the comfort of knowing that Cam’s older brother Bryan, a junior at the same university, will be nearby. “If Bryan wasn’t there, I probably would be doing more checking in with Cam.”
John Kuhn’s younger son Teague will be entering Miami University this fall as a freshman. His older son already left home for college a few years ago, but at a different university. Mr. Kuhn wants his son to get what he wishes for, which is a traditional college experience. “Teague said he did not want to go to college if students weren’t going to be on campus. He has talked about joining clubs, and perhaps a fraternity.” A recent outbreak of Covid-19 cases near the Miami campus linked to off-campus social gatherings has prompted some very specific conversations in the Kuhn household, however. “I’ve asked him, what are you going to do when you get there? I’ve been trying to make it as personal as possible when we talk.” Mr. Kuhn gives his son a great deal of credit for keeping the conversation going. “Teague doesn’t shut me down. I feel like there is a genuine level of respect that we give to each other when we are talking.”
Clearly, some of the “demandingness” expressed by these parents aligns with the need to deal head on with student partying behavior, a near universal part of the college experience. In reaction, parents are placing maximum emphasis on self care and good decision-making skills. On the other hand, the “responsiveness” component of the authoritative parenting style is reflected in ways that are more subtle. Here, the various conversations occurring between parents and their sons and daughters are taking place in a context that says we are talking about these things because we love each other and wish only for the well-being of our family members.
