Culture

How to Be a Queer Person in the World Post-Quarantine


 

There’s an icy-hot twinge that pulses behind my ribcage when I think about returning to “real life” post-quarantine. It’s a tangled knot of feeling that defies the laws of physics, in somehow trying to both tug me out the door and pin me to the sofa.

Few of us had ever imagined living through anything like the coronavirus pandemic and its cascade of consequences — months of isolation and anxiety; abandoning the LGBTQ+ bars and spaces that gave our community a home and watching them disappear; losing our sense of security, our livelihoods, and even loved ones to the virus. But many of us have spent plenty of time imagining what happens next: reentering the world of the living.

For now, it seems the doors are finally opening. As vaccination levels rise and restrictions lift, there are more opportunities for LGBTQ+ people to connect in growing numbers, whether in restaurants, bars, gyms, or other settings. Gathering en masse, at dance clubs and Pride celebrations, feels achingly close on the horizon. The camaraderie and support of queer social life have been sorely missed, and it will no doubt be thrilling for many of us to be together again.

But we may have also enjoyed temporary freedom from some pressures of the outside world. We’ve grown comfortable feeling, well… comfortable. In isolation, there are fewer people — queer or straight — scrutinizing our bodies, their shapes and colors, what we put in or on them, or how we express gender, sexuality, or our particular mood at any given moment. There’s a measure of loneliness to not being seen, but also relief in not concerning ourselves with others’ expectations.

On our better days over the past year, we may hope to have developed a stronger relationship with ourselves — who we are, what we want, and how to take care of ourselves and show up for each other. Part of that twinge in my chest is the excitement I feel to connect with people again and be part of a community. But what if I’ve changed? More to the point, what if I haven’t? I wonder if what progress I’ve made — toward accepting myself for who I am, and all that entails — will evaporate under the heat of familiar pressures. Will I be even more vulnerable to judgement, indifference, or rejection? Or will I burn easily like winter-pale skin on the first day of summer?

The good news is, we’re in this together. “It levels the playing field that we’re all navigating this low-grade traumatic moment in different ways,” says Glenn Zermeño, LCSW-R, a queer psychotherapist practicing in Brooklyn. “Everybody’s experiencing it.” Below, we spoke to mental health experts and advocates about strategies for maintaining a strong sense of self, including positive body image, truthful gender expression, and fealty to what we really want, as we head back into a changed world — feeling differently than when we left.

“Look in the mirror and say, ‘My body survived this.’”

Whether or not our bodies have changed over the past year, and regardless of how we may feel about that, one thing is certain: We’re still here. That simple acknowledgement is among the positive affirmations we can offer ourselves moving forward, says Alysse Dalessandro Santiago, the queer blogger behind Ready to Stare, where she writes about body acceptance. Santiago asserts that positive self-image always begins at home. “Look in the mirror and really speak kindly to yourself, then once you’re facing the potential for outside scrutiny, it won’t matter so much, because you have such a secure viewpoint of yourself,” she says.



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