Culture

Giuliani Demands Recount of His Blood-Alcohol Level


WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—An irate Rudy Giuliani has demanded an immediate recount of his blood-alcohol level on Election Night of 2020.

Witnesses to Giuliani’s behavior that night have pegged his blood-alcohol level at .20, well above the recognized limit for conspiring to overturn an election.

Speaking to reporters in the parking lot of the Four Seasons Beverage Barn in Silver Spring, Maryland, the former New York mayor alleged that his blood-alcohol level that night had been uploaded to a “secret Democratic Party computer,” where it was exchanged for the blood-alcohol level of Hunter Biden.

Giuliani’s claims, however, do not square with the Election Night accounts of witnesses who observed Giuliani trying to touch up his dye job with a Sharpie from the Oval Office, talking to an empty yellow chair that he mistook for Donald J. Trump, and persistently referring to 9/11 as “Seven and Seven.”



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