Key events
85 min “Jeez mate, you always get the fuzzy end of the OBO/MBM lollipop, don’t you?” says Robert Wilson. “I’m stuck between gentle tears and writing the pitch for the inevitable rueful sitcom. Either way, it’s giggle. What kind of legal representation you got?”
Now probably isn’t the time for a Mike Strutter clip is it.
84 min: England substitution Ebere Eze for Kobbie Mainoo. I guess that means Foden will move infield.
83 min “Ah Gareth,” says Niall Mullen, “quiet quitting is soooo 2021.”
And the award for email of the day goes to…
82 min: Double substitution for Slovakia Laszlo Benes and Matus Bero replace Juraj Kucka, who really should have been off 25 minutes ago, and Ondrej Duda.
81 min: Rice hits the post! Still no shot on target, but that was so close. Rice whipped an excellent, surprise shot from 25 yards that bounced up to hit the left-hand post, and the off balance Kane put the rebound over the bar.
80 min More huff, more puff, but still no shots on target. And still no second substitution.
78 min: Glorious chance for Kane! Foden curls a beautiful free-kick from the left. Kane meets it, eight yards out, and heads this far wide of the near post.
At first it looked an awful miss for a finisher of his class. Replays show the ball was slightly behind him, which upgrades it to merely a bad miss.
77 min Pekarik is booked for booting someone.
76 min I can’t fathom how mediocre England have been in attack at Euro 2024 – it’s now four hours since their last goal. It makes no sense, and I don’t subscribe to the view that it’s all Gareth Southgate’s fault either.
75 min “Gordon now,” writes Hugh Molloy, five minutes ago. I’m very surprised how passive Gareth Southgate has been today. Maybe he has gone back to the collective responsibility of Euro 96.
74 min Here’s Simon McMahon on the subject of wine. “The Apfelwein is popular here, Rob. ‘A tart, sour taste’, according to Wikipedia. England fans can add their own punchline.”
73 min Skriniar heads away another cross from Bellingham. He has been increasingly immense in the second half, when Slovakia have been under relentless pressure.
71 min “I’ve been impressed by Slovakia’s depth of talent,” writes Kári Tulinius. “Haraslin and Strelec have been very good, and most mid-ranking teams would keep them on the pitch as long as possible. It’s therefore impressive that Calzona can replace them with Bozenik and Suslov, who’ve been equally good to them at these Euros.”
I’ve really enjoyed them throughout the tournament. They look so well coached.
70 min Palmer threads a terrific low pass to Bellingham in the area. He takes a touch but then slips! It wouldn’t have been a clear chance as he was moving away from goal.
Palmer has already brought composure and penetration in attack.
70 min Blimey, there’s been only one shot on target in the whole game. At the moment England don’t look like changing that.
69 min “Anyone fancy a pint of wine?” says Damian Clarke, quoting my earlier question. “Already on my third FFS.”
That’s a stein mate.
68 min Play continues even though Duda is down. Palmer’s cross is headed behind by Skriniar, who then complains to the referee. Duda is fine.
67 min “Sitting on my porch with the World Service, taking deep cleansing breaths,” writes Liz White. “The one thing I’m thankful for is the summer vacation started on Friday so whatever happens, I won’t have to face my students’ (somewhat respectful) stick at recess. They’re all Ronaldo fans. Happy Canada Day weekend!”
And congratulations to Canada for emerging from their Copa America group, even if it did look almost as dull as England’s.
66 min How the hell did it come to this?
66 min: England substitution Cole Palmer comes on for the limping Trippier, which means Bukayo Saka is going to left-back. My word, he has barely played there in the last three years. Desperate times. It’s gone full Italia 90.
65 min Kucka kicks Rice in the shin and is penalised. He could have been given a second yellow card for that as well.
64 min I take it back, Pekarik got the ball and only caught Trippier with his follow through.
63 min Pekarik flattens Trippier and is also lucky not to be booked. The referee hasn’t had a great game. Trippier is still down…
63 min Anyone fancy a pint of wine?
62 min: Double substitution for Slovakia Tomas Suslov and Robert Bozenik replace David Strelec and Lukas Haraslin, who faded after a blistering start.
61 min Foden’s free-kick hits the wall. I still can’t work out why Kucka wasn’t given a second yellow card for that. He went to ground and fouled a player right on the edge of the area; that’s a greater offence than most of the bookings in the first half.
59 min Mainoo dances past Kucka and is fouled on the edge of the area. Kucka, who was booked in the first half, is exceptionally fortunate to stay on the field.
58 min “Even when England get the ball in the net, they do something ridiculous,” says Beau Dure. “Not even sure why anyone celebrated. That wasn’t close.”
Not in comparison to Joachim Andersen’s last night, but I’d say it was still pretty close.
57 min Most of the game is taking place in the Slovakia half now. Slovakia need to find ways to get out because it will be a long 45 minutes if it continues like this. The match against Belgium had a similar pattern and they just about held on.
55 min: Strelec almost scores from the halfway line! That would have been one of the great comedy goals. Walker took a free-kick and rolled the ball square to Stones. He let it run across his body and Strelec was onto it in a flash. With Pickford standing on the edge of his area, Strelec launched a first-time shot that went over his head and bounced just wide of the far post.
54 min No big tactical changes since half-time, but England’s tempo is much better.
53 min “Now, cards on the table; I’m not English,” says Matt Dony, a shocking revelation to regular MBM readers. “I have no specific English sympathies. And, in all honesty, I haven’t even decided who I want to win. Even if they lose, though, I just want to see the players do their thing. This isn’t exactly a hot take, but this is an astonishingly talented group. The attackers in that squad (and still at home) should be capable of scoring against anyone. The technique and skill level across the squad is surely at its highest level since the (apologies) Golden Generation. It’s criminal that this group has given these performances on this stage.”
52 min Kane cuts inside Skriniar on the edge of the area and sidefoots a low shot that hits Vavro and deflects not far wide.
51 min “We came to Frankfurt hoping to see Scotland play in the last 16 tomorrow, but, well, you know,” says Simon McMahon. “So we’re watching England with some Slovenians who are off to see Scotland Slovenia play Portugal tomorrow. We did get to see Gary Anderson and Peter Wright stumble over the line against Sweden in the quarter finals of the World Cup of Darts earlier though. So, swings and roundabouts.”
NO GOAL! England 0-1 Slovakia
Yep, Foden was ahead of Trippier when the ball was played. The most exasperating thing for England is that he didn’t need to be – he gained no relevant advantage from being offside.
Saka moved the ball infield to Kane, who swept a terrific pass to release Trippier on the left side of the area. He bobbled the ball back across and Foden tapped it in from five yards.
Hang on, this is very tight and might be offside.
GOAL! England 1-1 Slovakia (Foden 50)
Now everyone calm down.
49 min Who am I kidding. Panic! Make 11 subs!
48 min A slow start to the second half. Slovakia will waste every second they can, and why not. They’re a fairly old team who have been less impressive in the second half of their games, so there’s no need to panic yet.
47 min “If we’re doing existential football quotes, let’s go with the master,” says Paul Griffin. “Camus: ‘Is Kane injured or what? He’s well off the boil.’”
46 min England begin the second half, and you’ll be thrilled to hear there have been no substitutions.
“It has become increasingly obvious that something has been going on behind the scenes,” says Rich in Okinawa. “They are not playing with any team purpose IMO. Look at the body language, everyone is just an individual. Weird vibe.”
I don’t say this with any authority or knowledge but I think the body language is largely born of confusion and frustration.
“I know it’s partly that there isn’t enough movement, but Stones is playing SO slowly and SO safely – NEVER finding a through-the-lines pass – so he set a terrible example from the world go,” says Francis Mead. “He’s constipated and England can’t get the ball up the pitch. Palmer on for Saka and Gordon has to come on for… I’m not sure who. Bellingham is showing some good signs.”
“The whole discourse around the English football team is incredible,” says Andrew Hurley. “No one seems to understand this isn’t Fantasy Football. It’s not about picking the best players but the right system and then the right players for that system. Every other country is a little more mature in their thinking, but why? What’s worse is when Southgate eventually comes to his senses, and takes Bellingham off for Gordon, and England get through, it will be all about how they’re going to win it. Insufferable.”
Raheem Sterling is having a great tournament. Most of England’s best performances under Gareth Southgate were dependent on the quality of his movement.
Gordon, Palmer and Watkins feel the most relevant attacking options on the bench, certainly this early in the game. Toney and Alexander-Arnold are more likely to come on for the last 20 minutes or so. Luke Shaw is another option, though that would be a gamble for reasons so obvious that I don’t really know how to end this sentence.
Gary Neville on ITV says “this has got Iceland vibes written all over it… Gareth has got to make three substitutions: Palmer, Trent and Gordon.”
Half time: England 0-1 Slovakia
The half-time whistle comes at an irritating time for England, who played their best football of the match in the last five minutes. There are plenty of boos from the England fans, who didn’t pay good money for this.
Slovakia were the better team, and that’s the operative word, for most of the half. Ivan Schranz finished stylishly after Marc Guehi and John Stones went for the same ball and Lukas Haraslin gave Kyle Walker the runaround early on.
It took England a while to get over going behind, but when they did they played with an intensity that has been lacking for most of Euro 2024. If they can add Roy Keane’s phrase, a bit of quality, they should win this game. If not, there’s a flight home with their name on it.
45+3 min Foden’s free-kick is punched away by Dubravka. England keep the ball and Mainoo swaggers past a couple of players before hitting a shot from 20 yards that deflects behind.
45+2 min Saka is fouled by Hancko on the right wing. Slovakia are looking stretched for the first time and will be extremely pleased to hear the half-time whistle. First, a free-kick from Foden…
45+1 min Three added minutes. Skriniar leaves plenty on Bellingham and is booked; that’s the fifth yellow card of the first half.
44 min Loads of England possession now, with Slovakia pressing selectively. Duda deliberately legs up Stones and is lucky not to be booked.
43 min “Your musings on Haraslin immediately bring to mind my experience watching Mislav Orsic at the last Euro and World Cup,” says Russell Yong. “ Even though he had amply signposted his talent for years by scoring in wins against Spurs, Chelsea and West Ham, having never played for anyone more famous than Dinamo Zagreb (before that he had played in the Chinese and Korean leagues and didn’t pull up trees there), meant he very much had a ‘Who is this guy?!’ quality. If I had to bank on any player making a step up to the big leagues it would’ve been him. Instead he’s had one immensely forgettable stint at Southampton and then busted an ACL at Trabzonspor, and is now so far off the radar it’s almost easy to forget he exists at all.”
