[camera clicking] [chime sounding]
[razor buzzing]
[birds chirping]
[makeup clicking]
I would not wish this on an enemy
I hated so much I’d shoot ’em in the face with a .45.
Come on, give ol’ Annie a kiss. [lips smack]
Oh, shit!
I could shoot ’em in the face with a .45,
but I would not put the curse that I live with upon them.
But it’s a curse I love too
because I certainly indulged it.
[funky music]
My name was Michael.
I was born in 1958, in Harlingen, Texas.
I was raised a Mormon.
And wasn’t nobody stopping me for dressing up like a girl.
When I was about five or six my parents got a maid,
and I strolled out in this little yellow sundress one day,
and she called me the spawn of Satan.
She told me that my daddy’s gonna throw me
in an orphanage, everybody’d hate my guts.
Even to this day it haunts me.
Everything went in the closet right then and there.
I buried that shit so fuckin’ deep.
Of course I couldn’t stop dressing up.
I would sneak off in the woods with my sister’s clothes,
and dress up, and fantasize about being a girl.
And nobody ever knew.
I was a dropout out of high school.
I joined the Navy, they didn’t want me.
I was a redneck.
I still live in a rednecky frame of mind.
I believe in three things.
I believe in Amurica.
I believe in the First Amendment.
And I believe in the Second Amendment.
And after that, everything is up for question. [laughing]
[Millie singing]
Oh, Pablo, little Pablo, bebe.
[door creaking]
Hi puppy, puppy, puppy.
I got married in ’87.
And I told my wife about wanting to be a girl.
She held that over me.
And one night I just got mad,
and I got dressed like a girl, and I went to work.
I was working for Kroger’s.
And the manager says,
you can’t come to work dressed like that.
I worked for Kroger’s for another year and a half
dressing as a girl.
Down in Humble, Texas.
It wasn’t easy, but I just didn’t fuckin’ care.
‘Cause you know, when you ain’t got nothing to lose,
what difference does it make?
In 2000, I left my wife and moved to Austin.
And I just stepped out as a girl.
But I was stuck between the idea of my manhood
and being a sissy.
Roughly three years ago, I changed my name to Millie.
That was when I said, okay, I’m a girl.
From up to that point,
I had not let go of the masculine image of Michael.
And I can’t have Michael protecting Millie all my life.
And you had a big change, which is so much easier.
Now don’t this look cute?
I painted it yellow, boom.
This is Lili, and she likes to change clothes a lot.
Ghosts can’t change clothes.
The outfit you got on, if you get hit by a truck,
that’s what you’re wearing for an eternity.
I’m not gonna get caught dead in this.
And we are on our way.
Lili here’s the one that made me make the jump,
instead of sitting on the fence
between the boy and the girl thing.
Be a goddamn deviant for 55 years of my life,
and then all of a sudden they say,
oh, nope, sorry, you’re normal.
[Lili] We know the brain is a really weird thing.
[Millie] Yeah, that’s right.
It’s really tough to be somebody
that you don’t even understand.
[jaunty music]
Oh, remind me to get like little countrified dress here.
Countrified dresses?
What, are you trying to relive the ’70s?
[upbeat music]
Oh, look at this,
here’s another little peasanty, westerny skirt.
I’m gonna get this one for my own self.
I never wear anything below this.
I started out dressing like a teenager
and I just got to the 25 year old era.
I don’t ever think I’m gonna dress like an old lady.
Ooh, what is this, I could look very demure in this.
Ooh, is this just for me?
[Employee] I guess so.
I like your cat ears.
I like your top you’re wearing today.
[Employee] Thank you.
Hi! Hi.
What you gonna be for Halloween?
I’m gonna be a boy.
You’re gonna be a, oh.
Hm, any other day they have
big old giant transvestite shoes here.
Oh, these are not 10.5’s.
[Millie laughing]
Who are you?
I’m the Paint Wizzard.
Everything I got, I got in a skirt. [laughing]
So are you a girl? Yes, yes.
I wanna make that clear.
I can’t help it I’m stuck
in a boy’s body dressing as a girl.
[Woman] So is that like a transgender?
Well, you know,
that’s the umbrella that it falls under.
Is it, what did your parents,
how did they react to this kind of persona?
They told me I could dress any way I wanted.
They’ll never come around then though.
Didn’t that crush you? No.
When you couldn’t be who you were
for your whole fuckin’ life anyway.
No, it wasn’t that crushing.
Well you need to really take good care of yourself.
Why?
I wanna get off this rollercoaster ride.
[upbeat music]
I like anything where the underdog is beatin’ up the giant.
And in the end, you’ll find, look, and happiness.
I like movies like that.
Overcoming the odds,
brings tears to my eyes even talking about it. [laughing]
[register beeping]
40.46.
Oh. [laughing]
Woo hoo!
You have a good day.
You have a great one in return
and don’t ever tell me what to do again.
Okay.
[Lili] Do you wanna drive?
I wanna drive. You drive.
[birds chirping]
[cars whooshing]
I used to be very antagonistic.
It took a long time to learn that a smile
was not necessarily smiling because they’re laughing.
Hearing a laugh off in the background,
that doesn’t mean that they’re laughing at me.
When I put on my ears, that changed all of it.
That allowed people that’d never seen anybody like me
to be able to say something to me.
[Woman] Can I take a picture with you?
You may take a picture with me!
I’m the only transgender painter
in the entire state of Texas.
[Woman] Bless your heart.
Here’s to transgender…
Painters.
[all laughing]
[Woman] Pleasure to meet you.
Hey, the pleasure’s been all my ladies.
I’ll use transgender, because I have to put myself
into whatever political umbrella I fit in.
I don’t fit into a standard umbrella.
I’ve gotten used to it, but I don’t like it.
But I don’t know, I’m just a fuckin’ painter in a dress.
Fuck yeah I like female pronouns.
But I carry myself generally like a man,
so I have to accept that that’s how people see me,
even though it’s not what I see in the mirror.
I never get tired of looking at myself in the windows.
[Woman] Hey!
[raucous music]
[Bartender] Margarita?
Thank you, sir.
♪ Tell me baby, why you gone so long? ♪
♪ Tell me baby, why you gone so long? ♪
[jaunty music]
I’m like a 12 year old, wondering, what’s it like?
It’s one thing to think about it in a romantic sense,
but it’s quite another thing in reality.
I got western, war, science fiction, and comedy.
And then I have chick flicks, and then I have Star Trek.
These are war movies.
I had ’em in order, like, you know,
starting out with Troy and the Spartans.
Coming up through history,
the Vikings, Centurion, Braveheart.
But as I went along,
you just can’t keep rearranging them.
I’m gonna watch this one.
[dramatic music]
I have been celibate for almost 20 years
because I don’t have the right body parts.
[Actor] I’ve just been through a war and a half.
I promised the next war to my wife.
If somebody came along and said, Millie,
I’m gonna buy you some tits, fuck yeah.
That’s what I would want.
That feeds the fantasy.
But I know in my heart of hearts,
that if I had all that stuff,
I’da had my own vagina, and I had real tits,
and when people looked at me, they didn’t see a boy.
Even if I had all that, I would still know I’m not a girl.
I will never be a girl.
[jaunty music]
I’ve had my ups and downs with being a painter.
But I reached that point where I built myself
a little company and I built it on people trusting me.
When I put on a dress,
and I realized I could sell paint jobs,
I realized I have a skill set that people want,
and I’m good at it.
It just makes me feel blessed that somebody believes in me.
That means something, that means a lot.
I like knowing what I’m talking about
for one thing in my life.
[paint gun whooshing]
Like KUT, this is the sound of my job.
This is what my job sounds like.
I’m the Paint Wizzard.
And you’re listening to KUT, Austin, Texas.
[upbeat music]
I love painting.
That’s me.
I’m walking away, leaving a piece of me.
I’m very proud of this.
I painted it.
I painted it all by myself. [laughing]
The Alamo has been the metaphor of my life.
I cannot surrender, and I will not retreat.
And I’m not gonna win, but what are you gonna do?
In the meantime, I’m gonna enjoy the trees, and the birds,
and I’m gonna enjoy people when I get a chance.
And I’m gonna sell paint jobs.
[upbeat music]
♪ Millie girl ♪
♪ Why did you go ♪
♪ This I find ♪
♪ I love you so ♪
♪ Millie, Millie, Millie ♪
♪ Millie, Millie, little girl ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ You love me too ♪
♪ This I know ♪
♪ I love you so ♪
♪ Millie, Millie, Millie ♪
♪ Millie, Millie, little girl ♪
♪ Can’t you see ♪
♪ We were meant to be ♪
♪ This I know ♪
♪ But I will never ever let you go ♪
♪ Millie girl ♪
♪ Don’t go away ♪
♪ Please come back ♪
♪ Come back to stay ♪
♪ Millie, Millie, Millie ♪
♪ Millie, Millie, little girl ♪
