Sports

Chelsea 2-2 Tottenham: Premier League – as it happened!


Key events

Which means we’re done until next time. Thanks all for your company and comments – sorry I couldn’t use them all. Ta-ra!

Here’s Nick Ames’ match report.

“Daniel, I think you are overrating Conte’s handshake,” says Giancarlo M. Sandoval. “That looks like a fairly normal flex when you are as well built as him! It was clearly Tuchel who didn’t let go!”

You think Conte wet-fished him? I find that hard to believe, but it’s a game of surprises, Saint.

From earlier:

Another “different times” from Carragher! It’s all going on!

“From what we saw,” emails Sam Morrison, “it looked like Tuchel didn’t let go of Conte’s hand. Antonio was giving him a very cursory walking-on-by handshake and Tuchel held on. Conte whirled around at him, furious.”

Interesting; I’m sure that happened, but look at Conte’s forearm below – he’s giving it everything.

Ahahahaha, of course Souness thinks today’s games were good because of what the refs were letting go; “It’s more of man’s game,” he says, so Karen Carney and Adam Darke correct him. Good.

Ah, here’s Carragher with a “Real Madrid and Barcelona dominating at different times”! Can this afternoon get any better?

Kane tells Sky that Spurs were fractionally late in their pressing but sorted themselves better in the second half. He wasn’t sure where his header had gone, but “saw the net rustling, right in front of our away fans” – what a feeling that must be. He doesn’t know what went on with the managers but knows it’s an emotional game and though he’s disappointed, sometimes that’s just what happens.

The difference in technique here, Conte flexing everything and Tuchel affecting calm. Beautiful.

conte tuchel
Photograph: Marc Atkins/Getty Images

We need to dissect that handshake. I want slowmo, experts, diagrams in the paper, everything.

“This moment,” emails Mike Fitzgerald. “Maybe G Neville is a secret Incredible String Band fan….”

Chelsea will be absolutely devastated to have lost that. They were far, far better than Spurs but couldn’t get the second goal, and had to watch as their former manager celebrated an injury-time equaliser for a hated rival, then bullied their current manager with a classic playground ruse. I can’t believe Tuchel wasn’t ready for it; two fingers down your adversary’s forearm and your hand is unsqueezable.

Bissouma is over to the Spurs fans, amping them up, and no one wants to leave in case there’s more aggravation. But we’ve had a pretty nifty quantity, and the only pity is these two don’t play each other again in about five minutes.

Full-time: Chelsea 2-2 Tottenham Hotspur

YES WE ARE! Conte and Tuchel shake hands, I think Conte gives Tuchel the old squeeze and both men flare up! But various killjoys rob us of the slap and tickle so we have to make do with a red card apiece! Lovely, lovely stuff. Football!

90+6 min This has been a brilliant half of Premier League FootballTM, but are we to get the scuffle we deserve?

GOAL! Chelsea 2-2 Tottenham Hotspur (Kane 90+6)

OH MY COMPLETE AND UTTER DAYS! Perisic’s corner is perfect, picking out Kane at the near post, and he imparts a perfect flick that sends the ball between Koulibaly and James, flicking the latter, and into the corner of the net!

Harry Kane glances home the equaliser late on.
Harry Kane glances home the equaliser late on. Photograph: Glyn Kirk/AFP/Getty Images

90+5 min …because Romoero has hold of Cucurella, yanking him to the ground via neck and bouffant, but without sufficient violence to attract punishment.

90+4 min Davies is up and backs the ball goalwards, Mendy tipping over. Another corner, but VAR has seen something….

90+4 min Perisic curls it in, Azpilicueta heads away, and Bissouma leathers a volley that flicks someone on the way behind; corner.

90+3 min Carragher gives James player of the match, and I can’t argue with that. He’s everything a full-back should be, strong, fast, clever, skilful, hard and brave … and as I type that, he barges through Kane, giving Spurs a free-ick down the left…

90+1 min “In the 00s,” says Mathew Parr, “our ‘almost but not quite’ stadium prog rock band wrote a song called ‘One More Saturday’ about the decline of real football and football values. The rise in media trained footballers using the phrase “Like I just said” during post-match interviews featured prominently in the song. Once you hear it, you can not un-hear it.”

I know it well – I had the honour of making a film with Gary Anderson who deployed it even when discussing things he had not just said.

90 min The first half was a bit slow, but this has been a lot of fun since then. And we’ll have six extra minutes for an extra goal or ruckus; come on football gods, we’re not fussy.

89 min Havertz is taken off before Romero can separate him from his legs; Broja comes on.

88 min I said at some point in his career, I meant now; Romero clatters Havertz, but with nowhere near the prejudice he feels in his heart.

87 min “A moment is a node where one or more branches diverge,” advises Mark Bilsborough. “A decision point for example; different branches of a probability tree; or, if one were minded to be poetic, the point at which destinies change. I’ve always thought G Neville likely to sway to the beat of an inner poet. Musing self-reflectively on how that furrow he carved for so long up & down the right channel, is now increasingly etched upon his forehead.”

86 min Havertz storms through Romero from behind, sending him sprawling. He’s booked, and I daresay he’ll be hearing a retort at some stage of his career. We’’ll look forward to that.

85 min Havertz dashes down the right and cuts back for Gallagher, who feints the shot and moves onto Mount … who does the keeper with the eyes, dragging a finish just wide of the near post.

84 min Chelsea send on Gallagher for Kante – this might be his chance – and Pulisic for Sterling.

83 min Ach, Kante is down and looks to have tweaked something.

82 min Spurs, I meant to say, brought on Bissouma for Bentancur and Perisic for Son/

80 min “Tuchel v Conte,” says Joe Pearson. “Tuchel is wiry, sure, but Conte strikes me as someone ready to fight ‘to the pain’ (requisite Princess Bride reference).”

I agree. As Francis Begbie teaches, fights are won by psychopathy, not hardness.





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