Several lawyers. My lawyers, the book’s lawyers, the third party… especially when we’re dealing with someone who is especially litigious, you want to make sure that what you’re saying is factual, and it’s not a hit piece or anything like that. It’s saying, “This was my experience. This is what happened to me. Do with that information what you will.”
That’s the other part of it: You can’t talk about it because you don’t want to give people political points, but [also] because you don’t want to be sued. It’s just hard. It’s scary. I didn’t talk about it for so long because of all of that.
Were you able to find any kind of catharsis in finally getting that out there, or was it more like, “I just need to share this for the sake of getting this off my chest”?
I think both. There was definitely a kind of catharsis in just finally being able to say, “This is something that happened to me, and I’m not going to be bullied, and I’m not going to be intimidated, because I’m bigger than you now.” I’m going to share my truth. As I was writing it, I was telling myself, “I am prepared for this to become a legal issue,” and I will not be surprised if it is.
Trans people who write memoirs are so often put in the position of catering to, or educating a presumed cis audience. I’ve talked to other authors about this, and you make it pretty clear that is not something that interests you.
That’s what Becoming Nicole was for. We got one, bitch.
I would much rather know what you want young trans people — high school, college, coming into their adulthood — to take away from this book, especially now that many of them are finding themselves in some of the same political crosshairs that you talk about.
I think the thing that I want young, or all, trans people to take from this book is: You are allowed to not be okay. I think it is not a secret that shit’s hard for us right now, it’s really scary for us right now, and I don’t know what’s going to fucking happen. It’s exhausting, and you’re allowed to be sad, you’re allowed to be afraid. You’re allowed to be fucking angry. Lord knows I am, more often than not. I just turn on the news, and I’m like, “How is this still a conversation that we’re having?”
You are allowed to feel any way you want to about this, and you do not have to be happy [or] joyful. It’s good if you are, but it’s okay if you’re not. We get inundated with so much “it gets better” messaging, and I think it just is important to keep in mind the ebb and the flow, the swing of the pendulum. It will get better again, I do believe that, but sometimes it do be getting worse.
At the very least, I hope it makes them chuckle, because I try to be funny a couple of times. I don’t necessarily have answers and I don’t necessarily know if this book is helpful, but I did try to be funny.
This conversation has been edited and condensed for clarity.
It Gets Better… Except When It Gets Worse: And Other Unsolicited Truths I Wish Someone Had Told Me is available now via Dial Press.
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